i don’t have sex.

At least not yet.

Everyone has sex. Right?

Sex is a given prize for being with someone whether it’s for one night or one lifetime. If you aren’t having sex, you are not normal. Right?

I do not have sex. I have never had sex. I am 27 years old and I have not had sex. I have been in a serious relationship for a year and half and I do not have sex. I am planning on getting married to that man, but we do not have sex.

I have heard too many stories of broken hearts, vacant souls, and shattering self worth to have sex before I am committed to someone for life inside of marriage. And that’s not even taking into account what my faith and God tells me about sex.

Call me old fashioned. Call me a prude. Call me naive. Call me a conservative Christian crazy brainwashed girl. But, I fully believe that God created sex to be most fulfilling and wonderful inside of marriage.

Yes, my mindset of ‘abstinence until marriage’ started because I grew up in a relatively conservative church, where you were a bad person if you had ‘premarital sex’. For a long while, I was terrified of sex so much so that I was actually scared of boys. (Not anymore guys, don’t worry…) My view of sex started off as following a rule I was told, but now has turned into a conscious life decision.

Now, this isn’t to say that the church is super great at handling sex. Because, frankly, most aren’t. But, just because the church might have screwed up and twisted the idea of sex, doesn’t mean God’s intent and commandments should be ignored or taken with a grain of salt. Again, these are my beliefs on this topic, but I also think that if you truly believe in Jesus Christ, that this should convict you.

Now, my intent is to not make people feel guilty or shameful, but I do believe many people in my situation don’t speak up about not having sex. Sex doesn’t have to be a given outside of marriage. Not every unmarried person has sex and it is normal and ok if you don’t. You are also not outside God’s love if you are a Christian and have sex. He loves you the exact same as He love me. (DUH but had to say it anyways)

I just think that the other side of the story is not talked about enough; the story where people consciously choose to not have sex and not because they think that they will be condemned to the deepest depths of hell if they do. God encompasses love.

I am not naive enough to think that waiting until marriage to have sex will will guarantee a successful marriage. There can still be terrible heartbreak within a marriage. (Just wanted to throw that in here.) I also want to let it be known that I don’t think you should get married just so you can have sex because that sounds like a recipe for disaster. What I am saying is that you should trust that God knows your heart and your struggles and still loves you.

But let’s be honest here, not having sex is hard. I can tell you that from personal experience. When you love someone, you want to show them that love in any way possible. Sex is one of those ways. But if one of the hardest things in my life is not having sex until I’m married, then I think I can handle that. I am so thankful to be with someone who feels the same way that I do.

Not having sex is hard also because your body was designed to. Our bodies want sex because sex is a natural part of human life. But it also is unlike other parts of life because it is holy and set apart by God. God talks about sex in the Bible way more than he talks about, like, lying or stealing. Because it’s important and has the capability to either bring such joy and love or such sadness and heartbreak.

I also realize that I don’t fully understand sex because I have never had it, but I do know that God fully understands it because He created it. And I trust that if He is adamant about not having sex until marriage, then that means something, even if nothing else makes sense.

I don’t have sex, but I can’t wait to either. Because, honestly, it’s gonna be awesome.

I hope this post is not taken as an attack to anyone. My intention was to tell my personal story and thoughts about the topic and to not bring judgement on those who do. Our purpose on this earth is not to judge but to love and I hope that this post has come across in love. 


4 thoughts on “i don’t have sex.

  1. I commend you for your choice, and your willingness to put that choice out there for others to read about. Speaking as someone who did not wait til marriage, I absolutely, whole heartedly agree that it is worth waiting. Sex within marriage is so much more beautiful than outside of marriage, and if I could go back and erase certain parts of my past, I most definitely would!

  2. I don’t have any judgments on sex before marriage as my belief system is neutral on the subject, but I think your post is very honest and personal and a wonderful way to share your experience with abstinence.

  3. Well spoken and honest. What is important to you is important. Impulse is not a great catalyst for wisdom. I assure you it is better to live without regret than it is to regret life.

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