I’m not quite sure what to write so I’m just going to start.
Lately, I’ve been struggling with a sense of community. I’ve struggled with it before. I felt the loneliest I’ve been when I first moved to Nashville. I had to build up a community from scratch. I’ve had times when I’d started new things and felt like I had to build up community again.
This time it’s different. I’ve been in the same place for almost 2 1/2 years. I feel secure and at home in Nashville. I know people. I recognize people around town. I feel like this city keeps shrinking. Yet, here I am feeling devastatingly lonely. Feeling like I don’t have that solid community that I’ve felt so many times before.
I’ve been beyond fortunate to have had amazing opportunities for community. Working at SpringHill surrounded by the most fun, spiritual bunch showing love to campers has been an absolutely life changing experience. Being a part of the Campus House/Greyhouse community in West Lafayette has been indispensable in my growth as a women and a daughter of God. The Anchor Fellowship brought me in with open arms and taught me genuine joy in God through joyful individuals and the reality of the Holy Spirit through all of that.
As I move to a different stage and part of life, I’m struggling. Struggling to know who are “my people”. Struggling to know which women I can regularly meet with and hang out with and encourage one another and challenge one another.
But I’m also not doing anything to change it. I have amazing women in my life right here in Nashville (and all over the country!) but it just all feels so disjointed and at a disunion. I can’t quite figure out how to make it all work. And for some reason, sometimes I feel like community shouldn’t be work. But it is. Just like anything else. If it means enough to me, I’ll work for it and strive for it daily. I’ll make conscious decisions to pursue community, especially with women.
I also realize that this dry spell of community might be for a reason. God might be trying to grab my attention and this is one of the ways that he knows I will react to, to feel stripped of community to where all I have left is Him. I’m working through that too. I’m trying to get in the habit of journaling again. Trying to make God real in every situation.
All this to say, I just feel at a loss. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. And I know what I should do. Pursue God with all my might, but for some reason this is the hardest thing of all right now.
Choose to be humble enough to accept help from the Helper.