Just some thoughts that have been running through my head the past few weeks:
I feel like I’m living my life in tension of two extremes.
I want to buy a house, yet I want to move to another country. I want to deepen relationships where I’m at, yet I want to start all over again. I want to move back into a neighborhood in the city, yet I want to have a hosue with 2 acres and chickens in the country.
I can’t even begin to decide what I really want. I feel like people tell me what I should want and it’s hard to discern what is really coming form my own head.
I absolutely love living in Nashville and the state of Tennessee, but I can’t help but constantly think where my life will take me. I’ll be happy if my life keeps me here and I’ll also be happy wherever I end up. Because you know what? It’s going to be alright. I’m going to make it. Promise.
Here’s a little poem/paragraph/piece/whatever that I wrote about one way I feel this tension. (Hey look, I can kind of write!) It’s kind of incomplete because I’m still incomplete in what my heart really feels.
There’s this deep ache in my soul for both nature and city.
The peaceful lull of the hills and rivers draws me outward,
Enticing a relaxation I hardly ever attain.
Then, there’s this jealous unrest rising up from the city,
Luring me back inward,
Boasting of its mystery and raw potential of possibility.
The only conclusion I have come up with for now is to live wach day, make a choice each day that will lead me to something greater. Hope it works…