the head & the heart

(re: the title… a great band and also pertaining to the word vomit that is to follow…)

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I don’t exactly no about what. Everything mostly. Maybe that’s why I haven’t been posting as much on here. I wish I did or wanted to or had inspiration. But, for some reason, I feel that inspiration is lacking (that and the fact that it’s been pretty rainy and snowy lately so I haven’t felt much like venturing out for outfit photos…

I’ve had a lot of time to myself the past week. It’s been really refreshing. With the type of personality that I have, it’s easy to keep going, going, going and forget to have time to just step back and slow down for a bit. I think I feel exhausted, but I don’t really know. That’s probably a bad sign, but so goes the story of my life. I don’t feel like I have time to be myself anymore.

I have to wear a T-shirt, jeans, and apron to work everyday. I work in a cafe, so I totally understand this, but at the same time I feel that my style is being stifled. Yes, I realize this sounds completely ridiculous, but it really is a huge part of who I am. My style was a gateway for me to be ok with who I am deeply and truly. I know that it is no one’s fault but my own, I choose my attitude about the situations I’m put in. But, it would be nice to have things to inspire me to dress up for.

In Nashville, that part of myself was easy. There was influences all around me, reasons to “try”, places to go and people to see all day every day. It was nice. It’s times like these when I truly do miss living in a city (no matter how small). But, I know that where I am at in my life right now is where I’m supposed to be. I might not always know why it’s right, but as far as I can tell, it’s just the stage that I have to be in right now.

I don’t know if there’s a “cure” for this weird little funk that I am in. I’m sure in a couple months, I’ll be going on about something totally different. But, the difficult thing right now is that I don’t feel inspired by anything it seems. I’m just getting up, doing what I have to do, then going to bed to do the same thing over again. I don’t think it’s depression, I still have hope and laughter and friendship and things like that.

It’s frustrating because I can’t put a finger on it. I don’t really know why I’m feeling the way I do. I feel like I’m desperately trying to grab ahold of anything. I don’t think that’s working.

So goes the ups and downs of this crazy beautiful life.

live what you love.


5 thoughts on “the head & the heart

  1. I’ll be praying for you, girl! I’ve definitely felt that way before. Writing has helped me get out of that a bit–by helping me feel more like I’ve accomplished something that day and getting me excited about what I can be working towards. Takes some of the monotony out! I know style is a huge form of expression for you–but maybe this will open doors to try other ways of expression! πŸ™‚ love you miss you come back to nash.

  2. Love. I totally know what you mean. I’ve always wanted to be able to at least wear my own apron. Let’s have a dress up date during finals. K? Love you.

  3. Pingback: the serious & the (not so) serious | Live What You Love

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