It’s hard because you look at everyone around you (and by around you I mean mostly all over Facebook. These are the times we live in…) and everyone is accomplishing things. Getting married, having kids, getting a masters, getting engaged, having more kids, going on an adventure, falling in love, and on and on.
I’m not saying I haven’t done some of these at one point or another but for some reason, in this moment, I’ve forgotten all of that. I’m comparing my current life status with someone else’s current life status. And that’s pretty futile because hardly ever am I in the exact same life status as someone else.
But, I can’t help it, I scroll through the Facebook or Instagram feed (even though I’ve taken both off my phone, funny how those things creep back in) and wonder why I’m not having all the same exact experiences all the time. I’m an experience whore. I want them all and make myself feel guilty when I don’t get them all: the family, the exotic world travels, the kids, the love, the degree, the cool job.
I can’t have it all. Neither can you. Neither can any of us and I’m telling you that you aren’t alone. For the entirety of my ‘adult’ life, I’ve felt that I have to do it all. And, by God, I’ve sure as hell tried to cram every single experience into the past, roughly, 10 years. And while I absolutely do not regret any part of that, I still am left at 27 and 1/4 years old feeling that same feeling that I’m not enough and my life and experiences aren’t enough.
Am I kidding myself? At the risk of sounding conceited, I’m sure many friends have looked at certain parts of my life and longed to be where I am, whether that was galavanting solo around Europe or moving down to the “cool city” of Nashville from “not so cool” Indiana (Indiana, I love you and I’m not hating on you, just saying what other people might think) or finding someone who loves me back or making time for outdoor adventures.
But right now, my life in this moment: I have completely inconsiderate people that live above me and constantly make all kinds of noises (yes, and those kinds) and keep me awake at night, I’m not married, I feel exhausted all the time, I’ve magically developed terrible allergies (This is the thanks I get for being loyal to Nashville for 6 years?!?), I get very stressed out by the littlest things, I constantly feel like I’m fighting my relationship with God, just to name a few.
So this leaves me in another downward spiral of feeling sorry for myself and preventing me from seeing the joy and goodness on my life. And I hate it. I hate that I feel like I have to do everything all the time to feel like I’m doing an ok job at living life. Because, the reality is, that I cannot do everything. Hear that, Jess? Y O U C A N N O T D O E V E R Y T H I N G.
So, I write this to encourage those of you who may be in the same mindset as me, that you aren’t alone and your life is meaningful because you’re living it. And we are not required to do everything. In fact, we should probably be doing a lot more of nothing than everything.
Comparison is a thief of joy. And I’m so freakin’ tired of being stolen from. Aren’t you?